It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
