Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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