What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
