By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
