It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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