Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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