i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
