I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
