I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
