She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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