Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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