I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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