Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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