i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
