guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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