I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
