did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
