I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
