Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
