We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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