Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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