Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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