Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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