I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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