D3 body, D1 cock
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
