I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
