Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize