I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
