your room smells of hookers.
And success
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
