Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
