my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
