I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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