I just cut my nipple shaving
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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