shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize