I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
