I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
