I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
