Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
