I think i peed on brittanys purse
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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