Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am spending my child support on dildos
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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