Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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