I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
