I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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