my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life is pants optional.
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