I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
