Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
