I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
