I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize