I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
