as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
