Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
