State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize