Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
