im having a threesome with these popsicles
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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