hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
