dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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