but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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