I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
