We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
