I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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