So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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