I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize