she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
