he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
