you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
