He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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