i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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