eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
