And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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