what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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