I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
