got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
