We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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