He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
