he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize