he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
