We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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