i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
