Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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