His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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