it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
