i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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