Is it because I queefed?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
