So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
last night I used snow as a chaser
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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