I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
