I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
